What I Learned With Potty Training

The transition from diapers to big girl underwear has been one of my biggest fears and challenges as a parent. It's something so little in the whole scheme of things, and every parent/child goes through it, but for some reason, it brought me immense anxiety and fear. It all became too much a few weeks ago when I had One of Those Days.

I like to be prepared; I research extensively and talk to others excessively in order to feel knowledgeable and confident with my decisions as a parent. Having the background knowledge makes it easier to follow my gut instincts in the forever changing situations I face as a parent.

Yet the idea of "potty training" haunted me. 

At 22 months, we are just over one week in of wearing big girl underwear with zero accidents. This is a HUGE deal. And it seemed to happen over night. Yet when I look back at our journey to get to where we are today, I realize I have unknowingly been "potty training" Nya all along.

When Nya was about 6 months old, I began sitting her on the big toilet any time I noticed she was going poop. She would sit, fully clothed, with my support. We went through the motion of flushing and talking about what she was doing. 

When she was about 12 months, I got Nya her own potty to use. We talked about it and what it was for, but I never pressured her or forced her to go. As the months went on, and I continued to change her dirty diapers, I would tell her that we do these things in the potty. I never put any pressure or made a big deal about it, but it was always a part of our talk.

She began using her potty around 14 months, but it was very sporadic. Nya would tell me when she had to go, and I would help and encourage her. But these times were few and far between. Around 18 months, Nya didn't want Jamie or me around when she went potty, and she would shut the bathroom door.

Every time Jamie left or came home after a long time away, Nya's progress would stall, and she would digress. But I never pushed or forced her.

After Jamie deployed a little over a month ago, Nya refused to use the potty at all. She would bring me a diaper and say, "Change me mama, please." 

I knew Nya understood. I knew she was capable. But I was afraid. I wasn't really sure what I was doing and what direction to take from here. I knew many moms who had success with potty training when they were able to let their little ones run naked. I've had many moms tell me the "3 Day Method" worked wonders. And many have said rewards help.

Perfect. 

We had 5 straight days of rain, so I decided to use that time to kick the potty training into full gear and get Nya out of diapers for good. I let her run around naked and explained that if she needed to go pee pee or poo poo, she needed to use her potty. I had my bases covered. We were housebound, Nya was naked, and I had stickers and chocolate chips to reward her with. How could this go wrong???

It was an epic fail and left me frustrated and near tears. 

Nya fought me every step of the way.  Nya would tell me she had to go, and as soon as she realized what that meant, the fight began. She would hold it for as long as she could. She had accidents. She cried and told me "No!" Eventually, she would use the potty and was doing so regularly, but it was a fight the entire time. This lasted 3 days, and felt like the longest three days of my life.

I was going through a lot personally and this was just more than I was capable of handling. Neither Nya nor I was happy. This clearly wasn't working. I couldn't help but feel like a failure. I felt like I was failing as a parent, and I was letting Nya down.

So I took a deep breath, a step back, and decided to give this all a break. We went back to diapers the next day and I didn't bring up her potty at all. It was still available to her, but gone was the pressure and expectations I had set for myself as a parent and Nya as my daughter.

After four days, Nya told me she needed to use the potty, so I took her diaper off and away she ran, using it immediately. After going, she stood up, proud of herself, proclaiming, "I did it!"

I was speechless. All that agony and she does this?!? I was shocked and so incredibly proud of her. It was in that moment I realized that Nya needed to do this on her own, as she needs to go through every experience and lesson in life on her own. And my job is to be there to encourage and support her in any way I can to help her succeed.

For the first few days I let her run naked and she would go as she needed or wanted. She didn't want to be in a diaper, nor did she want to be dressed. I was ok with this and just let it go.

In the back of my mind, I was thinking, now what?!? This is great and all, but she can't go through life naked!? I quickly quieted that voice and decided to cross that bridge when I came to it. Trying to control the situation had failed me miserably before.

We had our first all day outing a couple days ago. Nya wanted to wear her big girl undies so I explained what that means and that she needed to tell me if she had to go potty. We were at a play center that only had regular toilets. Nya's not used to that, but again, I would cross that hurdle when the time came. Twice while we were there Nya let me know she needed to potty so I took her in, helped her up, and away she went.

It was the biggest relief and one of the proudest moments I've had as a mother. Nya was and is capable; I just needed to give her the space to grow.

We are just over one week without diapers (Nya does still wear them overnight while she sleeps). I know this is just the beginning, and I have completely let go of my fears and expectations surrounding this situation. I know accidents will likely happen, and I finally am ok with that. It's not a big deal, but just a stepping stone for both of us on this journey of letting go.

Each child is different and unique in his/her own way. What works for one family and one child may not work for another. Keep this in mind every time you face a new challenge with your child. Don't ever compare your child's journey with that of another; for your child's journey is just as unique as they are.

Potty Training Must Haves

Baby Bjorn Potty Chair (If you want a small potty - others I tested just weren't very good!)

Flip Potty Trainer Shell (I just use the outer shell over her underwear for long car rides!)

Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi 

Once Upon a Potty by Alona Frankel

To connect with others in this crazy journey of life, discover new parenting ideas & fun DIY projects, learn about holistic remedies, & find whole food plant based recipes, please visit our Facebook page Loving Green at Loving Green FB.