A Parent's Role...

I have had my moments of sheer exhaustion and utter frustration.  I've had times I've just wanted to lock myself up in the bathroom and cry.  I've even had moments where I feel like screaming bloody murder.

But no matter how I feel, I always remember Nya is just a sweet little soul that is full of innocence, curiosity, and enthusiasm for discovering this new world she is a part of.  Today we were out at a children's discover and play center, and I was reminded just how important my words and actions are in shaping who she becomes, and how critical my role as her parent is.

Nya and I were playing in the kitchen (she was bringing me all of the dishes and silverware that she could find), and about five feet away, playing with the trains, were two children around the ages of 3 or 4.  They were playing quietly, but being silly and laughing, as children often do.  Nya stopped to watch them, and I found myself doing the same.  In an instant, the excitement and joy on one little girl's face completely disappeared as her mother began reprimanding her and repeating, "What are you doing?!  Get up off your butt and walk the train around the track. It's not that hard."  And that was it.  The mother went cheerfully back to her adult conversation without a second thought.  But the look in the daughter's eyes told a different story, and it broke my heart.  In that instant, all of the joy and curiosity in those eyes was washed away.

I've been there, numerous times, and I know I will be there again.  I  have no idea what was going on in this woman's life, or what she had been dealing with prior.  I don't even know her. It wasn't about disciplining her child, it was about robbing her of her confidence and innocence.  And it made me aware.  What happens to a child over time when little by little, their spirit and innocence is washed away?   And over such a trivial comment that I'm sure the mother meant no harm by.  In that moment, the little girl looked over at me and I offered a sympathetic smile.  And then I looked at Nya and all I wanted to do was hug and kiss her and tell her how great I think she is.

Life is hard work.  Unfortunately, it doesn't always come easy like we think it should, or desperately want it to be.  We all have our breaking moments and get wrapped up in the busy-ness of life.  But I always make sure I am 100% in the moment with Nya.  How I speak to her becomes her inner voice, and thus will determine how she views herself and the world.  I know she will be faced with many challenges.  Kids may make fun of her because of what she eats, or how she looks, or if she has a silly quirk that isn't considered "normal" by our society's standards. 


My job as her parent is to help her develop her self through questioning, thinking, and doing. To allow her to become her own person, and not the person I want her to become.  To nurture her interests and allow her to explore them deeply, even if I don't agree with them.  To always show love and tell her how proud I am of her...just for being her.  To tell her over and over that who she is, is good enough.  My job, is to help her discover the confidence within herself, and develop it to its fullest capacity.

So when the time comes and she is faced with these hard times in life; kids teasing her, an adult speaking harshly, losing an important game, being treated poorly by a boyfriend, whatever, she will remember that these are all external circumstances that have no value to her internal self worth. 

It's hard as a parent.  As a human being.  We all have stressors and limits.  Every day is a challenge.  But it's one I'm committed to accepting because I want Nya to see the world through loving eyes, and not lose her excitement, love, and curiosity for endless possibilities available in this life.

 

* So on a side note, after writing all this today while Nya was napping, I caught myself at dinner.  Not with Nya, but with my husband.  He was 2.5 hours later than he said he would be.  I was struggling to finish dinner and Nya was hungry, and teething.  And that combo is not a good match.  When Jamie finally arrived home, and sat at the table to relax and start eating (while I'm still trying to finish the salad as I entertain Nya), I ask him to please fill in for me and sing the song that Nya kept asking me to repeat for her.  He replied, "I don't know how."  My response?  "It's not that hard." 

Immediately when the words left my mouth I stopped and thought of the mother and child I saw earlier today.  I have to remember that Nya isn't the only soul I need to love and nurture.  We all have that innocent child within us that desperately seeks approval and love, and our words, tone, and actions can either build that spirit up, or break it down. 

I'm a work in progress and still learning! :-)

 

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