It had been almost a week since my mom flew back home, and nearly three weeks since we'd talked with Jamie. Life was beginning to bring me down, and I was feeling out of sorts.
This is when Nya began acting out. It was as if this sweet little child of mine was gone, replaced by someone I didn't even recognize. She was whiny, over-dramatic, and just not happy. Is this the terrible twos, I wondered?
I did not want to deal with her. My energy was completely drained by the end of the day after remaining calm through her endless outbursts. I had never looked so forward to her bedtime, but I had nothing left for myself, and did not want to write or work on all the many things I needed to do.
I was not liking my daughter very much, and that made me feel like the worst mother in the entire world.
How could I possibly feel this way about the daughter I love so much? About the daughter I am so thankful to have? About the daughter that has taught me about unconditional love, and has brought me more joy than I have ever known?
This lasted about three days. I went to bed that third night and realized I needed to change my attitude. I had to pull myself out of this funk and get my act together. Whatever happens is meant to be, and my stressing over things and feeling down does not help anyone or anything.
The next morning I woke up in somewhat of a better mood. I was still feeling sad inside and it was a struggle to change my mind set completely. But I forced myself. I focused all of my energy on finding the good in my life, and chose to just be happy.
It sounds really simple, but it's not always easy to do. It was a challenge. Yet after only two hours, I began to feel happier. I began to appreciate the good things. My outlook was positive. And suddenly, gone were the feelings of bitterness, annoyance, resentment, anger, and frustration,
My attitude was in my control; I just had to take ownership of it.
When I changed my attitude, it was like a light was turned on in Nya. Her change in behavior was instantaneous when I changed mine.
Gone was the little girl who overreacted to everything. Gone was the little girl who whined over taking a bath. Gone was the little girl who cried because I asked her a question.
I felt like my little girl was back...The happy, calm, level-headed, understanding girl was back.
I know Nya reacts to the energy that's around her. I've seen it first hand a few times, and am aware how a small change in the environment has a large impact on her behavior. But it's still hard to believe how drastically different Nya is when my mood is unhappy.
Nya still is a typical toddler and has her moments. However, they are short lived. I'm able to talk and reason with her. She still tries to test me from time to time to see what I will allow her to get away with. Yet nothing has been like it was for those three days where I didn't know how I was going to get through the rest of this deployment.
I wondered if it was Jamie being gone, or my mom just leaving, or the dreaded terrible twos. Those things certainly could have contributed to her outbursts. But the immediate change was too drastic to be attributed to anything other than the change in my attitude.
Being a parent is one of the most difficult jobs. Especially when you care so much. Being a "single", stay at home mom is even more difficult. You get frustrated. You get tired. You get angry. You get lonely. But our children look up to us for guidance. We are shaping how they feel about themselves, and how they choose to view the world.
I had asked my Loving Green family on Facebook how they handled difficult times, and I got some amazing responses. Find something that works for you. Remember how short and precious life is, and choose your "happy".
To connect with others in this crazy journey of life, discover new parenting ideas & fun DIY projects, learn about holistic remedies, & find whole food plant based recipes, please visit our Facebook page Loving Green at Loving Green FB.
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